Guys, I'm phlegmatic. and choleric. and, well, probably crazy. Mostly, I've been learning a lot about myself recently... things, I guess, I probably should have known already.
Like... did you know that I am equal parts introverted as I am extroverted?
It's true... not only do I thrive off of human interaction, but I also thrive in solo environments. And, not only do I need to be around people to be my best version of me, but I also need to be alone... like a lot. I learned this about myself recently, because I found myself believing that human interaction is incredibly exhausting. I would spend time with friends, or students, or family and walk away needing to sleep for a full day to recover from it. And then, someone would ask me to spend time with them and in my mind I could think of every reason why I didn't want to - including extreme reasons, like it would be more enjoyable to be buried alive. My whole life I've identified with the characteristics and traits of an extrovert... exciting, loud, out-going, people person. However, I now find myself acknowledging the traits of an introvert I've always had... goal-oriented, stable, loyal, detailed, reserved.
Or how about, did you know that I can be both internally motivated and internally lazy?
It's weird, right? To think that on one occasion I can be very much determined and motivated to kick butt on a project, but in the very next breath lack all motivation and succumb to laziness for the very same project... I've been experiencing this a lot lately when it comes to balancing all my commitments. Full-time work, full-time school, church, friends, family, ministry... There are moments when I'm detailed, organized, and determined to accomplish all of my responsibilities with all that I've got... but then when push comes to shove, and rubber meets the road, I become sluggish, somber, and unmotivated to complete anything - let alone to the best of my ability. I've learned that this is because the same force that pushes me to be awesome, pushes me to be lazy - that force is called being stubborn. I stubbornly believe that I can prove all my critics wrong and conquer everything like a champion, and I stubbornly believe that my best can wait til tomorrow. I've always been stubborn, I've always identified with that personality flaw... stubbornness. Who knew!?
Or, also, did you know I can be faithful and fearful about the same situation at the same time?
You can ask anyone in my family, I've always been the whippersnapper who called you out on your lack of faith when you questioned the purpose or outcome of an event. Without even trying, I can name three separate occasions that seemed entirely bleak and unresolved - occasions that it is reasonable to question where God is in that moment - and I've never wondered, and I've told those around me [who were struggling] that they needed to have faith. I can also name, again without effort, multiple occasions in which the fear I have toward an event is so incredibly crippling that I can't proceed, I can't remember faith, I can't think of anything but the possible 'what ifs' of the situation. Recently, I've found that I can be both of these people - the faithful and the fearful - at the same time. Without detail, there are events in my life that are incredibly unknown... there is no prediction what the outcome will be, no guarantee that good will come or bad will come. I find myself trusting, knowing that God will provide and it will be good, but also fearing the outcome - overwhelmingly, cripplingly afraid of possibility. I guess this isn't an uncommon thing for people, but it is a new experience to me - but an experience I should have known could happen.
Through all of this learning though, I've discovered things about my personality that are helpful... scary at times, but helpful. I love taking tests and filling out paperwork, so in effort to figure myself out I took every personality, temperament, social experiment test I could find. I discovered that I am a ENFJ, I am High C on the DISC profile, a balanced introvert/extrovert, and I'm Phlegmatic/Choleric. For people who don't know what any of that means, it just means that I'm consistent and careful, however adventurous. I am task-oriented but people focused... the perfect summary I've found is that I am "Extroverted Feeling with Introverted Intuition."
It has been good to know these quirks about myself, though... I find myself being a better communicator, a better worker, and a better student because of this knowledge. And all in all, it's just good to know that these extreme reactions (well, I think extreme) to life are incredibly normal for people of ENFJ personalities, with High C tendencies, and Phlegmatic temperaments - well, people who score almost equally as high in phlegmatic and choleric temperaments :)
Guys, I'm normal! Would you look at that!
