Well, the end of the year brings about so many thoughts and feelings for every person breathing oxygen on this day in their lives. Thoughts and feelings of regret, thoughts and feelings of excitement, thoughts and feelings of reflection. And, I am no exception to these emotions… 2013 was a year of a lot of things for me. A year of growth. A year of hurt. A year of change. A year of letting go. A year of adulthood. Just like half the people on the Internet, I've decided to share some of my fondest, dearest, and hardest life lessons with all you fine Internet people… because what is the point of the journey if you can't share the growth with those you love.
1.) Life goes on, even when you don't make it…
Sometimes in life you see yourself growing, and if you are anything like me you get a little proud of yourself making strides towards being awesome… being respected… being respectable. Other times, I learned, you are growing and you just have no idea that it is happening - until, one day, you look in the mirror and see an adult staring back at you. I distinctly remember one morning getting dressed for the work day, I looked in the mirror and there she was… me, a grown up. An adult. Not that teenager who had been faking it in a grown-up world all the days before. Suddenly, my pants were the right length, my hair was in place, my shirt wasn't a comic book character or a band tee - it was an appropriately fitting business world shirt, and I was an adult. That whole day I walked around so confused about when this transformation had taken place, because I swear the day before I was still just a naive girl pretending to understand life. But… growing is perpetual. God is a great gardener in the garden that is your life… he is pruning, and watering, and sowing seeds that you aren't aware of until they are in full bloom. And, honestly, that's awesome.
2.) I will never have all the answers…
It is easy to be smart. You read books, recite information, study, work hard… intelligence is just inputting facts into your brain storage and then pulling them out when need be. But, no matter how much information you put into your skull… you are never going to have all the answers. I've hit the edge of my intelligence too many times this last year, and that was hard but it was also so refreshing. People I hold dear to my heart have struggled this last year. People I care about have been hurt, confused, and put through the ringer over and over again this year - and I didn't always have answers for them when they looked to me for help, but that is quite alright. God is so much bigger than I limit Him to be. God knows all, sees all, hears all. He knows when my heart hurts, He knows when my loved ones hurt - and He cares. I may not have all the right words or information stored up in my head, but I do have God who is Great and who is Love. And, honestly, that still blows my mind.
3.) Cruelty is just that, cruel…
We've all seen this scene, whether on television or in person, friends are mean to each other. They are capable of calling each other names, hurting each other's feelings, and tearing each other down with zero consequences. Everyone justifies treating their friends poorly, because that is what friends do. People want to blame the Internet for all the children hurting, but the Internet isn't the problem… people are. Cruel words can only be spoken if there is a mouth for them to come from. There is never an excuse for mean words, never an excuse to hurt someone, never an excuse to not be love. Cruelty can be a reflection of hurt you feel, it can be a means of protection… it can be a lot of things, but I think it just shouldn't be. There is already so much destruction in the world, because of sin, and the only thing that will help is the love of God extended to us and through us to others who hurt. Especially as Christians, we are the vessel the the Lord has here on the earth to love through… so what the heck are you doing if you are being mean? God is love, we need to be love. Honestly, everybody love everybody.
4.) Good things can actually come from waiting…
In September I watched one of my very best friends get married. Her husband is the epitome of everything she wants and needs in life. God provided so much love to her, such a blessing in her husband, but waiting was quite the journey. I know she had hurting days wondering why she was always waiting, but whoa baby such good things came from her wait. Also in September, I received a promotion at work. Since graduating from college, three years ago, I've worked the same difficult and unrewarding part time job. Every day I wondered if it would ever amount to anything, or if I was just going to continue waiting… for what seemed like forever… for something good to happen. When I met with all the bosses about getting my promotion, it was so freeing and rewarding to hear them tell me that I was the best for the position and that they were thankful for the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years I've given them. It is hard to wait. Sometimes waiting feels like such a weight, such an overwhelming depression, but God is working and providing… especially while we wait. And, honestly, how cool is that?!
5.) Not every word I think needs to be heard…
My brain is always running. Awake, asleep, while talking, while being silent… my brain is just thinking away. I play out scenarios that may or may not ever happen, I replay life events I can't change, I analyze things I've heard or been taught… I just think, a lot. Sometimes my brain gets so full that I have to dump all those thoughts, through words, into the world. Ironically, to me at least, yesterday my best friend told me I can be overwhelming because I just say so many words sometimes. Oddly enough, God has been teaching me so much about shutting up. It is a hard realization to know that not every arrangement of words you formulate into a sentence is golden… seriously though, it makes you feel so dumb to think that you've put words out into the world that hurt someone unintentionally (or intentionally), or that confused someone during a difficult time, or that were just nonsense. I'm glad God is teaching me to be quiet sometimes, honestly, it is a good lesson to be learn.
Along with these lessons, God has taught me a lot of other things this year too. Some honorable mentions for learning that life gets harder but it also gets easier, and learning to cherish everyone (near and far), and learning love and how to be more loving, and also learning to let love in.
God is so good, and the thing that I will forever love about God is that He will never be done being awesome. Even when growing hurts, God is just so so good. 2013 has been 365 days of life that will, now, forever be in the past - but they are days that I am glad God let me live. Thank you to all of those who have journeyed with me this year, you are all so important to me. I look forward to 2014 with you, because I know that God has so much in store! Have a safe and happy time celebrate the last year of your life, see you next year ;)
